Do I get alliterative when I get antsy? It seems that I might.
Last night's big contribution was a realization that my antagonist wasn't a good fit for the story I'm working on. As I tried to picture how he fit into the plot, he kept raising more questions that had to be answered. Eventually I realized that what I was really working on there was an entirely different story. When I came to that realization, I came up with a new character to serve as my antagonist - one who serves the needs of this story very well.
Tonight, I believe, I finalized the details for his own history and place in the world. I've given him a name, and a story all his own. In turn, the pieces of my rough plotting outline started to fall into place. I think I've got my key moments picked out, and I'm quite happy with the psychological dynamic between my protagonists and my antagonist.
So, if everything's going so well... why am I feeling a little anxious? I'm drawing closer and closer to the part of this project that, well I guess it scares me a little.
I'm very comfortable working with the discrete elements of a story. They're simple, and they're only scraps of narrative surrounded by notes hurriedly scratched out. They don't interact with one another, and they don't provide a narrative.
I'm not precisely sure why the prospect of sitting down and starting to actually write my story seems to scare me. I've got a few notions that I'm sure contribute to it. I'm concerned about how to pace a story, and worried that I'll move too quickly through it. I'm afraid that, in an attempt to avoid making that mistake, I'll draw everything out and describe every object and location in my story to a horrifying level of detail. And, of course, my own insecurities about the quality of my writing no doubt play a part.
I think that the medication I've been taking these past several weeks has definitely helped me focus in on a single story idea, and I think I've developed this one almost to the point that I should start writing it. Too bad I don't think it's going to help me with my anxieties. Those are mine to deal with.